Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
