I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
this will be a night to untag.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
