So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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