she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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