just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
