And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
