Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
