Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
