I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Is it because I queefed?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
