East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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