When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize