i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
