It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
