You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I met the friendliest cop last night
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
