Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
