If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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