just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
