someone get that fucking seahorse.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
