Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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