Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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