Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
