So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize