is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He did a backflip because drugs
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
