ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
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