I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize