dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
