dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize