Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
4 words: hood of his car
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
