I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
