Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
