You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
