So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
