My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
