This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
