Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize