My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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