in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
