The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
