this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
