I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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