kristin has been a bad kristin
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
