my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
