just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
