You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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