You're earring is so big in my mouth
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
