Where is the hickey?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She told me I should be a condom model.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize