i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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