The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize