We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
