You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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