My first STD was from a foam party
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
