I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
