I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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