ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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