I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize