I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
