What a fucking waste of an outfit
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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