Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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