Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
