Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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