Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
