He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
