Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
