If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
